Pindar: Promise to be the best men at my wedding?
Peter: Only if you’ll be ours.
Pindar: If the NFL is ready, then so am I.

Stanton: Don’t try and peel this onion. You’ll only find a plum.

Jared: What the fu—

Jared: What the fu—

Jared: Motherf—

Jared: Motherf—

Peter: Eh.
Jared: We were young, just mere chicken tenders.
Peter: But now we’re the big cocks of the walk.
Jared: [clucks]

Colleen: Oh, you can freak out now if you’d like.
Jared: This is bad. This is…this is bad. This is very bad. This is the type of thing guys always joke about doing but they never actually do, but we…We did it.

Peter: Excuse me.
Cindy: Hmm?
Peter: Eyes are up here.
Cindy: Oh, right. Fair enough. Fair enough.

Peter: Okay. Ready.
Cindy: All right. You got it? Okay.
Peter: Yeah, I got it.
Cindy: Now, kick your left leg and hook it around the pole.
Peter: That is physically impo…

Peter: Want to hot tub?
Jared: No.
Peter: And would you stop asking my mom to hot tub?
Jared: No.